Hospital again and again

A lot has happened since the last time I posted an entry. There are still a few unpublished events. I guess those have to wait now. As for now, let me just update with a very brief entry regarding Amar.

Tuesday, 3 July: I noticed a swelling near his groin.

Wednesday, 4 July: A trace of pus was seen in his nappy suspected from the swelling.

Thursday, 5 July: I took Amar to the Walk in Centre (WIC). [Our GP - as usual fully booked and kept on asking us to call the next day.] The doctor at the Walk in Centre dismissed us saying that it was just another chicken pox coming out. [Angry mode: *#$$%&(#$*@*%#] [I promised a brief entry so I spare you all with the details]

Friday, 6 July: We were not happy with the doctor's diagnosis from the WIC. So I booked an appointment to see our GP. Luckily we got an appointment at 11am. We waited until 11.30am to be seen by Dr.Sood. She examined Amar, prescribed antibiotics and ibuprofen and then referred Amar to the hospital.

Sarah, Amar and I took the public bus to Coventry University Hospital. We waited for a while and we were seen by a nurse. We continued waiting until a doctor called out Amar's name around 2pm. The children A&E doctor was happy to let us go home with antibiotics but she would like a second opinion from a Surgeon.

Again omitting the many (my anger and frustration) details, we waited a further 5 hours to be seen by the surgeon (That was around 7.30pm). He was in the theatre the whole time. Babah arrived to see us about an hour before the Surgeon's examination on Amar.

After a quick examination, the Surgeon called a Urologist for another opinion. By then Amar was already traumatised by people groping his private part. After at least three separate examinations, the Urologist referred us to Birmingham Children's Hospital.

Saturday, 7 July: Amar was given an appointment at 10am to go straight to ward 9. There was also instruction for Amar to have his last milk at 6am and last clear fluid at 10am just to prepare him for a surgery.

Again all my frustration, bitter and sad memories will be excluded from this entry.

Two hours after we arrived, Amar was seen by a nurse for his history and general check up. We were all hungry since it was already lunch time. We had to sneak away from Amar just to have a bite of bread and a sip of drink. He finally saw Sarah eating a chocolate filled brioche and started to whine and extended his hand through the cot's bars as if pleading to have just a tiny bit of the bread.

He continued crying until he fell asleep -hungry- on Babah's shoulder. He slept for about two hours and woke up smiling.

Then finally around 4pm (almost one whole day of fasting by our 2 year old Amar), the Registrar and (I assume) the Consultant oncall came to Amar's bed to examine him. The Registrar apologised several times for the wait to which Babah didn't say anything, and I avoided her eye-contact for I too was uncertain what to say.

Both doctors were happy to discharge Amar from the ward that day, [excluding all the medical jargons] but he has to come again on Monday for a review.

So that's the briefest summary I could give here. To date, the swelling has reduced in size and Amar looks OK. He still continues with his antibiotics and hopefully he won't have to go through a surgery afterall.

Hopefully the final trip to the hospital: 1 June 2006

Amar received an appointment from the hospital for a post-op review on 1 June 2006 at 10.40am. Babah was on long day oncall the whole week, so he couldn't be there with us.

That morning, everything went quite smoothly as most of the preparation was done the night before. I left Sarah with our next door neighbour. The one who is having their living room extended. While I took Amar to the hospital by a taxi.

Amar slept in my arms the whole journey. The waiting seemed short too as Amar continued sleeping. I imagined the clinic would be packed with people and children. But there were only 3 school-aged patients waiting for their turn with their parents. All calm and collected, including us.

There was no more patient coming in after Amar too.

Amar woke up when it was his turn. But still he didn't cry.

Mr Amar Al Omari did the review. He had a look at the finger and said that it looked dry and healed. The surgeons were concerned if there was more infection re-developing in the finger. He took a blade, said Bismillah and cut off the single stitch holding Amar's fingernail. He asked if we know why Amar is a brave boy? I asked him why?

He said because Amar has the same name as him, although in Arabic it doesn't mean brave. (May be I should start calling Amar, Usaid)

He has also said that the fingernail might come off, and hopefully will grow back although it may be at odd shape and harder (keras).

Plus, Amar doesn't have to wear any bandage anymore. Let it further heal naturally, so he said.

Mr Amar Al Omari discharged Amar from the day clinic. Let's hope that Amar doesn't have to visit the hospital again. I called a taxi using a public phone (!) and returned home.

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Upon arriving, I straight away knocked on my neighbour's door. Her son answered the door and said 'They've all gone out.'

About half an hour later, I saw their red Honda arriving infront of their house. So I went out immediately to greet them. Sarah was ecstatic to see me and started to pour out her story in her language.

The neighbour was telling the same story too.

Yes! Sarah cried, wailed, bawled.. you name it!!!

Poor Sarah, she said sweetly, "Mama, Mama... Saghah angish, Mama." As if her cry was something sweet.

My neighbour gave me a lecture, (haha) she said I should leave Sarah more often with them. At least once a week. Especially in case of emergency, then Sarah is familiar and doesn't mind when I'm not around.

Anyhow, Sarah was fine and back to her happy self when they took Sarah to Tesco.

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I took some photos of Amar's naked middle finger. Apa lagi kalau bukan untuk post the photo in the blog?

But then I remember my squeamish friends. So I've decided not to post the photo here. Instead just a couple of photos in green sock.

I have decided to cover the finger anyway seeing that Amar 'kutis-kutis' the fingernail. I tried to use the proper tubular bandage, but it was lose. So it's sock time again for better grip. This time green in colour. And I made a hole to let his thumb out.

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As you all know, I am not a doctor. But acting lebih pandai lagi doctor. Dah kawan-kawan dengan para doktor. Apa boleh buat, so kena act like one too. A few years back, when my husband has just started to work, there was this discussion between him and his friends regarding doctor as a profession.

None of them wanted to be a Surgeon. I was very pelik at that because all this while I thought that's what doctors do - they 'cut' people (ie Surgeon lah). Then I learnt, there were so many fields doctors can specialise in; cardiology, dermatology, pathology, and so many other -logies that I am not sure how to spell them.

It must be the tv programmes that I watched that made me thought doctors = surgeons.

But No! Babah and his friends were talking about how they have to refer patients to surgeons. And they were teasing how surgeons view things and the disputes they always have.

At the hospital after Amar's operation, these thoughts came back to my mind. The sleepy Registrar and all three Consultants were of the same opinion. As if operation was the only solution.

Sakit jari?
Potong jari.

Sakit tangan?
Potong tangan.

Later, I talked to Auntie De about this thought. And she said, the staff should try to get Amar on IV antibiotics like suggested by Mr Gaffy.

-tapi insyaAllah Amar dah pulih. So kita doakan Amar continue to sembuh-

They were all too friendly and kind for me to even say bad things about them. Including Mr Amar. I thought he was monotonous and expressionless. But he is splendid in his own way.

To hospital again (Friday, 26 May 2006)

Babah's team has let Babah off early on Friday (26 May 2006). Babah had to ask this favour from his friends so that he could take us to the hospital to change Amar's bandage.

We arrived at the hospital car park, and I felt "macam balik rumah". Amar was 'seen' at the treatment room, which was the second room as you enter Smith + Clarke Ward. We didn't get to see the main ward but I could sense that there were not many patients there, unlike the Friday before.

I was quite embarrassed with the purple sock I used to replace the bandage. The nurse understood, and said good things about it.

The nurse removed the sock, then the net dressing wrapped and tied around Amar's finger. The final piece was this sticky plaster wrapped neatly around the finger tip. It was very sticky, the nurse found it difficult to take it off. ( I really have to find out the name of that white sticky plaster)

She finally used a pair of scissors to remove it and also received an extra pair of hands from Lucy (or was it Louise, I'm still confused)

Amar didn't sit still, but not as bad as before. He didn't cry as much either.

Babah looked at the wound closely and bravely. I was still squeamish but had a peek too. Just at the bottom of the fingernail was a thread, seperti satu jelujur jahitan. "It's still there. Some parts of the sticky plaster must have stuck with the fingernail from before." I thought.

The side of his finger was not fleshy red anymore too.

Underneath the fingernail, there was this crystallised, crusty yellowy and brownish stuff. Something like caramelised sugar, only lighter brown. I heard the nurses discussed that it looked dry so they were not going to wash it as washing may make it soggy again.

The nurses dressed Amar's finger again. The first nurse asked if I would like to put on the sock again or use a proper tubular bandage sock? I asked for the proper one. (Does that mean the sock was not a bad idea after all? Waaahhh, I am so tempted to use green, blue or yellow sock now, to match with Amar's outfit.)

The kind nurse gave me extra tubular bandage and elasticated plaster just in case I need them.

Before we left, we gave a bag of chocolates and a card to the nurses as a sign of our appreciation to them.

p/s: Sarah attempted to go to the play area, but of course she was not allowed to.

p/p/s: Later, I asked Babah his opinion on Amar's wound. I don't want to say what his views were but just to mention about the jelujur like thread on Amar's fingernail. It was actually a stitch holding Amar's fingernail to his finger. I was closed to pulling it off when I dipped his finger to remove the sticky plaster before!


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additional note:

Syukur to Allah swt for his mercy and blessings that the doctors at the hospital has treated Amar very quickly. We have heard from press on the poor NHS service. In fact we have read and heard that NHS UK was rated as having the worst service in Europe.

We didn't experience any of the poor service while Amar was in the hospital. The doctors, nurses and staff were all great and have made Amar's stay less painful.

Furthermore we didn't have to pay a single penny for his surgery and treatment and as if that wasn't enough, we also received a bonus of excellent service from them. (Except for the 40% income tax Babah has to pay monthly)

That has made me wonder, if we were to go to a general hospital in Malaysia, will we get the same treatment from the doctors and nurses?

Other than that, berbanyak-banyak syukur kepada Allah swt again. And thank you all for all your duas, well wishes and sympathies. Hopefully there will be no more trauma reports from us here.

All about Babah

Cheeky Babah with cheeky Sarah

All credits to Babah while I was away with Amar in the hospital. I really hope Sarah has really been good as not to trouble Babah much.

The moment Mr Gaffy (Amar's Consultant) mentioned that Amar was to stay in the hospital until at least Monday, my mind was racing for plans that should be done if Babah has to work on Monday. (ie arrange a babysitter for Sarah or worse come to worse, Sarah has to stay with me at the hospital)

When Babah came on Friday, we discussed a little bit and Babah called his HR and Consultant trying to get an emergency day off on Monday. His Consultant did not answer the phone, but his HR was very helpful. Babah was entitled for child care leave. Even Babah's team was very supportive and understanding.

Babah called me regularly to update about how he has spent the days with Sarah. He took Sarah to Tesco and cooked her breakfast and bubur. He has been kind and unselfish to the situation. I felt a little bit sorry for Babah because we have planned to sort of 'celebrate' the weekend because he has had a 'herculean' week, but had to abandon the plan.

I was quite worried about Sarah's meals, but Babah handled it well. He was very thoughtful to bring some food for me too. He brought along some sandwiches (pre-packed by TESCO), cold pasta (also prepacked by TESCO), a couple pots of yoghurt, some fruits, 1 litre of ready to drink juice, and a lot of junk food (chocolate bars and crisps) (not complaining, just to my delight!).

He has tried his best to keep our stomach full, but he has neglected his own meals. Until I told him about the phone call I received from my parents inlaw asking if my meals were taken care of. And a friend (Mama Danial) called and asked what Babah was eating at home.

Then he decided to rediscover his lost skill, cooking and cooked Nasi kosong Pattaya

and made some pancakes.

Babah has also reported that during my absence, he did around 3-5 loads of washing. He was telling the truth, of course. When I came back, I saw this huge pile of laundry waiting to be folded. I saw three-four shirts folded on the side, I guess he did attempt to fold but never got them finished. I didn't say anything, I knew lipat-melipat was just not his thing.

Every time he came to visit us at the hospital, he brought along some fresh clothes too. The first day, he brought a blue skirt and matching blue shirt and blue t-shirt. But he forgot to bring a fresh tudung.

The next day, I specifically asked for my brown pants. He came with the brown pants I requested and matching shirt and matching tudung.

I guess I can trust his colour scheme.

On housework, he gave the house a good tidying before we came back. I've seen worse, so I praise him for the job well done.

I know staying at home with Sarah can be difficult for Babah, especially when he has to prepare everything himself and when everything has always been prepared for him before. I couldn't help to feel sorry but also thankful to him and cooked ayam bakar honey the day after we returned home from the hospital.


For Babah

For Sarah

It seems that I am only a worry guts. Babah has not only managed to handle Sarah, but also the house. This English phrase may sound awful; "Scornful dogs will eat dirty puddings" meaning: In emergency men will do many things they would scorn to do in easy circumstances. But I think the phrase has best described Babah's endurance over my absence from the house.

In short, Babah did great! Thank you Babah for being selfless and kind. And most importantly for being a devoted father and supportive husband.

Does that mean I can trust him in the future with both kids, while I get some time off by myself?

All about Sarah

I missed Sarah when I was looking after Amar in the hospital. That was the second time being apart from her, but over a longer period. The first time we were apart, Babah said she was totally depressed and constantly asking for Mama. That was when I was in hospital giving birth to Amar.

One year onwards, she didn't mind her coming to the hospital and going home alone with Babah. She has developed a special bond with Babah (me *jealous*). She didn't even cry during the nights for Mama.

She knew Amar was in hospital because "tangan Amar sakit". According to Babah, she was always at her best behaviour at home. Dengar kata, baik aje and tak banyak bagi masalah.

Even though she has always been portrayed as 'hyperactive', truthfully she was just acting her age and she does have softer qualities too.

Sarah with books borrowed from the library

I'm not sure if Sarah has reading sessions with Babah while I was away. Normally I would read her books around 11 am, 5pm and any other time at Sarah's request. The sign that she REALLY wants me to read her books are she switches off the TV and DVD and forces me to sit down with her to read her books. I would do the reading for her, may it be forceful (for me) but I know it is always better than anything else (especially blogging).

She has learnt a lot from her books. One day at the hospital, Babah told me that Sarah was so clever asking him to 'STOP' at the red light. I said, she must have learnt that from her book.

"Red light means stop. Green light means go!" And I usually tokok tambah reading it as "Go Go Go" ala F1.

Sarah jumping on air when she spotted a puddle

She has also put into practise, playing in puddles. I'm guessing she learnt it from one of the books borrowed from the library too.

She loves to stand in puddles!!! (me = grrrr~rr)

"Splish, splash, splosh" with a picture of a boy jumping in a puddle. And a girl holding an umbrella.

She has improved so much on recognising more colours. Additional to the ones she already knew, now she knows Yellow (aLLoouu) berbelit sikit lidah dia bila sebut 'L'. And bulat je mulut dia pronouncing the end of the word.

She knows Black (Yek~k) with qalqalah pronouncing 'k'.

And when I turn to the page where shades of colour orange is, she will excitedly say 'Juice'. (I think she must have thought orange juice. And confused herself the colour with the drink) I will correct her, "Orange". And she will try to pronounce it "ooohhwanggeh" (yes, over sikit dia tu)

I normally point at things and ask her to name the colour. She does it brilliantly. Many times, when I point at green things, she says "Red"!

Many times.

A few days ago, Babah suspiciously said, "Sarah ni colour blind ke?"

O-oh!

Now she has extra coaching on colour Green. She is improving! (Yeen)

Sometimes, she will just point at things herself and just name the colour without being asked. Just yesterday at TESCO, she pointed at this guy who was queueing behind us at the till and said, "Pink!" pointing at the guy's sweatshirt. She always get her pinks right.

Sarah's favourite phrases;

On top of my head, I always hear her say,

1. "Ok, ok, ok" (three times ok, laju-laju. Sometimes followed with her short laugh) to whatever instruction I gave her.
2. "Shhhh, Amar dor (tidur)." This normally addressed to Babah if Babah put on the volume too high. (Pastu Babah pun jawab, "Ni Mama sebijik ni")
   
3. "Taaaakkk. Sikit je." This is her usual answer when I ask her this, "Sarah sepah eh?"
   

In a play house at the ward

Her eczema came back when I was away. Babah said she scratched her arms and now there are some 'luka' on her arms. Yesterday, she showed her luka to me and said,

"Mama, tangan Saghah sakit ni, nak gi atel (hospital) please"

When I bathe her, she asked me to wrap her arm (with the luka) in plastic bag, just like I did to Amar.

"Tangan Saghah sakit ni. Shian (kasihan) Saghah."

I was uploading our photos in the computer, she saw the photos taken in the play area at the hospital and said,

"Mama, jom lah gi atel. Beeesstt." She said kepala lentok-lentok ajak pergi.

You don't know what you are wishing , girl!!!

Epilogue

BEFORE

AFTER

Alhamdulillah, we were finally home!

Home?

Yes, home. Our neighbour on the right has erected a huge tent in our back garden for their daughter who is getting married on the 28th this month. The tent has been extended to our back kitchen and very close to our back sliding door.

Whereas our left neighbour is having an extension made to their house. So there was just this constant banging from dawn till dusk. (and dusk is around 9ish now)

Wasn't it just nice to be home... (huhu...)

The state of our house was not too bad. Babah did some housework. It looked tidy enough and I wouldn't feel ashamed if a visitor came that minute. Thank you Babah!

Amar was just ecstatic to be home. He didn't sleep that afternoon. He was too excited to be home and toddling every corner checking out what must have once been his territory.

Sarah too was as excited, showing her new baby doll complete with accessories Babah has just bought for her (murah je, said Babah. -hmmm-)

And I just couldn't help eyeing on the computer (blog! blog! blog!)

Amar's bandage... I tried my best to make sure Amar didn't get it wet or dirty. Whenever Amar is in the bathroom, I will tie a small plastic bag around his hand as not to get it wet. I also made sure Amar didn't pull it off this time. Until one evening, Babah gave Amar a strawberry in his hand. And let him ate it unsupervised. -grrrr-

Boys will be boys.

Not only Amar messed the carpet, he also soaked his bandage and dyed it into dark pink colour.

So, one has to improvise.

I hated to think Amar's finger will be catching more infection of the mess he has made. I just had to wash the bandage, and use a clean sock as a substitute. I'm sure the sock is clean and of cotton, and breathable. So clever or not, at least Amar has a clean 'purple bandage' until his original bandage is dry.

It's home sweet home again. Our mini vacation is officially over.

Chapter 5: A Bittersweet Ending

I woke up to the sound of people talking. I recognised immediately, that the voices belong to the two nurses and the 15 year old girl.

The sun was already shining its way up. I must have overslept.

I think everyone must be thinking that I am such a busybody. What with the story of other patients over the 5 chapters. And now I am about to write about the conversation the nurses and the 15 year old girl have had.

Well, I do not remember everything. I just remember hearing a few things she mentioned: about her mother going on a holiday, her school friends, her boyfriend, being hungry, and I remember somewhere along the line she said, 'Am I going to get into trouble?"

It must be really late, that they were talking in a normal tone voice.

AND, (hehehe I'm trying not to sound busybody) I thought she must have eaten during the night when she was not supposed to for her operation that day.

I got up and tried to reach for my mobile. I couldn't see it. Then, Amar woke up too, realising that I was not next to him. So I carried Amar to the toilet to do whatever we had to do.

*Intermission*

Around 9am, Sister Nora the thumbs up nurse gave us her thumbs up and greeted us in her usual cheerful voice. She came close to us and said, she will get the doctor to review Amar as quickly as possible.

Surprise, surprise, Mr Amar came with Sister Nora later.

Sister Nora asked Mr Amar infront of us,
"Mom would like to know if Abdul could be discharged today."

Mr Amar said, "I think we will have to keep him for another night. We will review him again tomorrow to see if he fits to be discharged"

*Shock, shock, horror, horror.*

I tried to sound clever and tried to create a sentence that didn't sound stupid quickly,
"Can he be discharged today and I will take him to see you tomorrow, since he's only on oral antibiotics?"

[bring him tomorrow... Babah was due back for work on Tuesday. Plan: to call a postgrad to babysit Sarah, so that I could get a taxi to bring Amar for a further review] that was my brain thinking.

To me, Mr Amar was expressionless and spoke monotonously. Somehow, I read a 'sorry' message written all over his face.

He said, he will take a look at Amar's wound at his day clinic and he will decide if Amar could be discharged.

Fair enough.

To cut the VERY long story short (hehe), Sister Nora has called us to the treatment room. She wanted to change/remove Amar's bandage. (Honestly, I was not quite sure what she wanted to do)

She took off the sock like layer. Then, she tried to pull the net cotton cloth that covered the whole middle finger. But it was stuck. She suggested soaking the finger in water.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Of course I didn't say that to her. But it was just tormenting to think that Amar had to dip his poor finger in water again?? (It got worse the first time, remember?)

I followed what she said. Otherwise, how else was she going to remove the bandage? Half a minute later, the top layer came off. I was excited thinking that was what Sister Nora wanted to do.

But there was another thin layer covering the fingernail and the tip of the finger. It looked like it has merged with the fingernail. I assumed the net used to be pure white, but changed to dried blood colour.

The wound on the side of Amar's finger looked much better than the day before. But the fingernail area and the tip still looked gruesome.

Sister Nora asked me to continue soaking Amar's finger with water.

At first Amar was fine playing with the bowl of water. He removed his left hand and used his right hand when he felt the pain (I think). Sister Nora was busy. She was actually coming in and out of the treatment room. So it was entirely up to me how much and how long I wanted to soak Amar's finger.

It was tough to dip Amar's finger when I knew it must be really painful. He cried a little until he slept on my laps. I kept on dipping his finger and slowly pulled the thread of the layer.

Some came off. I was really doing it gently as not to wake him up.

Dipped his finger again, and pulling the thread. I thought I did great. Until I came to the top of the fingernail itself. I reminded myself to be extra careful on that part. I was scared if I accidentally detached the nail too. (Remember, the nail was removed and 'planted' again by the surgeons?)

Dr Amar came when I was managing the gruelling moment alone. He said hello and had a look at Amar's wound. He saw the small piece of bandage left on Amar's fingernail.

He said something like, Amar was asleep so he wouldn't feel it if he pulled the piece.

When he said that, I was cringing and looked away as not to let the doctor see my scrunching face. I turned back at the doctor and saw him washing his hand and realised that he has actually pulled the final piece in a split second!!!

[I felt a sudden anger building up in me. I didn't expect him to actually pull it. I thought he was just saying it. It must have hurt Amar badly!] But Amar didn't move a bit. -hmmm-

Sister Nora asked if I am working. Then there was a one minute executive summary of what I do and what I previously did. Then she asked about 'the husband'. I said Babah is an SHO followed by half a minute summary of where Babah works.

She said that I should have told them before, they could have placed Amar in the side (special) room. I said, it wouldn't make any difference, side or main ward. She was praising me highly bla bla bla.

But Mr Amar said, letting them know that Babah is a doctor means better communication (sometimes it's easier for doctors to speak in their language rather than our common language, get it?).

heh heh, me trying to be humble ey? Silly me.

(That was just an iklan, sorry)

Mr Amar said Amar's wound looked fine. So he let him go home!!! And asked to come again on Friday to change the bandage and next Thursday for a review with him and Mr Gaffy.

He also said that if Babah needed further explanation, Babah could ring up the hospital's switchboard and ask for Mr Al Omar. The switchboard will transfer direct to his mobile phone. He also asked some 'personal' questions. And wished Amar the best.

Mr Amar Al Omar left the treatment room. Sister Nora started to talk highly of Mr Amar. 'Kind, gentle, humble, good hearted, etc...'

Sister Nora prepared Amar's medication and I called Babah saying that we were finally free to go home!

*Intermission No.2*

Babah and Sarah were waiting for us in the play area. Sarah was playing 'making tea' as usual. We had a quick chat, and went back to our cubicle to get our belongings and ready to leave. Babah said if he could see Amar's 'notes' before we go.

So I told Sister Nora, and she called Mr Amar to see Babah personally. She said, it's only proper to do so if Mr Amar was not busy with any patient.

Not long after that, Mr Amar came to our cubicle and they were 'catching up' on things. They talked in doctor's language. Some numbers were mentioned. You can find some of the information in the previous post.

A good handshake, a get well soon wish to Amar, a 'personal' wish again and he left.

Babah helped me packing. We bid goodbye to the staff and after four and a half days in the ward, we set off to the real world again. I'm going to miss them and their endearing way of calling little Amar. Poppet, little baby, honey bunny, darling etc... And their sing song voice, and their happy faces. I don't know if Amar is going to miss them, but I am!

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If you want a sweet ending, stop here. Don't read any further.

*Intermission No 1*

We returned to our cubicle fresh and looking forward to go home. I've noticed before going to the toilet that some items were scattered on the floor.

So, after coming back from the toilet, I started to tidy up a little bit. Others were still resting in their cubicles, alone or with their relatives.

I felt funny that my 'backpack' was facing the wrong way round. The left and right hand side curtains were slightly ajar. I started to feel a little bit 'angry' at the night duty nurses for checking on us at night but didn't bother to draw the curtain back. I started to have flashbacks of the night before. I remember hearing very well 'a nurse' drawing the middle curtain of our cubicle. It was quite rough and loud sound of the curtain hooks being forced to move on the curtain railing.

Amar was secured in the cot. I searched for my K750 Sony Ericsson. The charger was still in the socket, but with no phone. I searched under the sheet, under the bed, under the mattress, under the pillow, behind the curtains. In my bag, on the tv shelf, on Amar's bed. Under the cot's mattress. I couldn't find it anywhere.

My precious mobile phooonnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

I couldn't be mistaken. I remembered so well, I charged it and placed it under the sheets of my bed before going to bed. I was dead sure!

But I re-searched under the sheets, under the bed, the lot! You know, just in case I've missed a spot.

Nope, nowhere to be found.

[Ok, here's the thing, no phone. No small change. How do I call Babah? Nasib baik bukan Babah's W800 Sony Ericsson yang hilang. It couldn't be one of the patients, most of them were in cast. Their relatives? They look decent enough to be nicking people's phone. The 15 year old girl was alone last night. So was the 6 year old infront of us. He couldn't move. Couldn't be him at all!

So could it be one of the nurses? The old one or the squeeky shoes one?

Somehow, I need to call Babah. But I don't have small change. I just have to go to the nurses and tell them about the missing phone and to borrow 20p to call Babah. But I just couldn't meet them in the eyes while thinking it was one of them who took my phone?

Oh this is a hassle and difficult!] That was my thoughts at that moment.

So there I was carrying Amar, infront of the nurses' office.

"Hi... This is embarrassing, but I think I've lost my phone and I don't have money to call my husband..." I haven't finished speaking. Both nurses jumped at the same time trying to reach their phones and said in synchronized, "Call security"

I was so shocked, all I needed was only 20p. I don't need the security.

And I was surprised, they were contacting the security when it was one of them who took it? So I asked them in my squeaky voice just like the sound of the nurse's rubber sole shoes;

"Do we really have to go through the security? It's only a phone."

"Yes"

The older nurse was speaking to the security. While the younger one in the squeaky shoes said something like, we sort of know who might have taken your phone.

My mind was working hard, picturing the possible suspects.

I could really go into details of the conversation, but I'll try to summarise.

The younger nurse said, she found a young lad hiding in the play area at 5.45 am(!) She said, throughout the night she almost believed that she was seeing a ghost. And tried to get the older nurse to believe her. Until both of them carried out an investigation, and found that boy crouching behind a counter in the play area, where they rarely inspect especially at night. Obviously, no one was supposed to be playing during the night.

The boy was the 15 year old girl's friend (or boyfriend?) who came to visit yesterday afternoon, but he didn't actually leave the ward.

So that was why they were talking to the girl this morning.

I started to have flashbacks, Amar crying at night, hearing footsteps, feeling cold in the night, etc...

At least, Amar and I were not hurt. Syukur.

I was free to use the office's phone. So I dialled up home number, but Babah was probably still sleeping. He didn't answer. I looked at the clock, it was still 6.45am.

The nurse has also said that they have contacted the police, and they will go to the boy's house.


*Intermission No.2*

The news about my missing phone spread quickly like a wind. Every nurse came to say sorry. Some gave a lecture of how shameful of the boy to be doing such thing. "Kids these days" So they said. Even Mr Amar expressed his concerns ('personal' questions) He asked if I have managed to contact Babah and barred the phone. Yes, I finally managed to contact Babah and he called Vodafone to bar my phone immediately.

A tall policeman came to take a statement from me. Honestly, I felt like an idiot to be reporting on a missing phone. So I told the policeman how I felt. He sat back and said that it was not stupid at all.

To him, it was an act of theft, hence a crime has occurred. Someone has taken my belonging when that person was not supposed to be in the area. It was considered as trespassing. And he ruled out that the incident as a burglary. (I assume more serious than theft)

I continued giving my statement. The policeman wrote on my behalf 3 pages long statement. I read through and signed on every sheet of the statement.

So there you go, I do not have a mobile phone anymore. (The police rang me at home the following day saying when they were just about to interview the suspect. The suspect has been arrested when they rang me. I do not know if the police has, or will find my phone. But I'm hoping for the best and also thankful that at least Amar was not hurt that night.)

I was relieved that we were finally going home. I thought it was going to be a happy ending. I tried to be OK about it, but honestly I was a little subdued.

When Mr Amar shook hands with Babah, he said he was sorry about the phone.

Babah replied, "It happens"

Mr Amar replied back, "No, that does not normally happen here."

It was a shame but I do believe things happen for a reason.

Chapter 4: Pretty Nasty

Sunday oh Sunday. If we were at home, we would have probably gone to TESCO for our groceries shopping. Then I would have cooked something special for the weekend. And enjoy whatever is on TV or play a DVD. Or perhaps, we would have gone to Li and Hila's house in London as initially planned.

Kita hanya mampu merancang.

It wasn't all bad staying at the hospital. It was like a mini vacation. But all the 5 stars hotels were all fully booked, and we were only left with this YMCA hostel where you have to share the facilities. In fact I think hospital is even better than hostels. There are friendly nurses and staff. The sheets are changed everyday. The floor is swept and mopped every morning. The surfaces are wiped too. Free power jet spray shower. You are served breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner at regular hours. (Tapi kita selalu missed the meals) and you can draw the curtains at night for privacy.

Sunday oh Sunday. When a nurse (was it Louise or Lucy? They look alike) changed our sheets, she said that, the doctor might let Amar go home that day. She was friendly and always in a good mood. (All the nurses are always in good moods!) I even forgot that we were 'foreigners' but we were treated the same. I did not feel discriminated, not even one bit.

Amar could go home! What a news. But I still spared a doubt in my heart because I remember Mr Gaffy said on Friday that they wanted to monitor Amar for 48 hours and only consider to discharge on Monday.

Throughout the day, a lot of nurses with their sing-song voices said the same. That they hoped that Amar would get a green light to go home. I felt positive and told Babah that Amar might be discharged after a review by a doctor.

Amar found the bandage annoying. He bit the bandage and unwrapped the bandage himself. He also pulled off the cotton wool beneath the bandage. I told a nurse, and she changed Amar's bandage. And she suggested a tubular type bandage and wrapped twice on Amar's hand that looked like a sock. (see photo above)

I saw Amar's wound, -hmmm-

Being a squeamish person, I am afraid if I exaggerate the wound. But the lesion looked sore and red. There was no skin around the swelling area. (see chapter 1, the swelling finger photo). On the tip of the finger, there was a net typed piece of cloth covering the fingernail with dried blood and yellowy dried liquid.

Amar gave an ear splitting loud cry! I was not sure if it was painful for him or because he was held tightly again. It could be both. When the dressing was done, Amar quietened down immediately.

Near afternoon time, Mr Ho, a Surgeon came in our ward to see another patient who was due for a procedure. After he has seen the other patient, the nurse asked him in a hushed tone if Amar could go home. The surgeon answered in a loud voice that I could hear across the room,

"Oh, the baby. No, it was pretty nasty(he touched his middle finger). We'll see tomorrow." He left.

The nurse came to break the news I already knew.

"I'm sorry poppet, I tried." She said to Amar and gave a sorry face.


I gave a sorry call to Babah. So, he came with Sarah to visit us again. I didn't think Sarah or Amar mind at all. They got to play at the play area. There were lots of quality toys and books. They were clean. And for the past few days, only Sarah and Amar used the play area. Other patients were too old to be playing there.

Sunday oh Sunday. There were lots of visitors that day. Babah and Sarah were our loyal visitors.

The boy who broke his fingers in the trolley accident has just completed his procedure. He was asleep. But the boy who was 'crushed' by a car tried to wake him up, so that he has a company to play PS2 game with him. There were also some patients being discharged on Sunday. All in cast. But that did not stop their parents from gleaming.

The 15 year old girl had 2 boys as visitors. One wearing a cap, and the other had a hood over his head. But both looked downwards whenever I passed by.

Babah and Sarah went home early on Sunday. Sarah was crying a little bit loud. We both knew she was tired and sleepy.



Both Amar and I got bored so I put on Monsters Inc DVD. I think Amar was quite well known in the hospital for liking Monsters Inc a little bit too much.

Two more patients came in.
A girl around 10 years old was admitted and a young lad, with a broken leg. He had the most visitors of the lot! Other than mak bapak, there were his Tok, nenek, pak cik, mak cik, brothers and sisters, and cousins, and probably friends too? His cubicle was just swarmed with people of all age.

Then only I thought of something, I should have told the Malay postgrads in Coventry. At least, they could help to prepare some food for Babah and Sarah while I was away with Amar. They are good community. How could I have forgotten to let them know?

I wanted to call Kak Has, but thought that we might return home the next day. So I didn't call her.

I couldn't wait for the next day. So I was quite pleased to see the sun setting in. Before we went to sleep, the boy who broke his fingers was released! He has just had his operation earlier in the afternoon and was given the green light to go home. How unfair!

The two nurses who were on duty that night gave Amar his dose of antibiotics, took his temperature and pulse. One of them made a squeeky sound steps when she walked. It was probably the rubber soles against the concrete floor. Then, Amar was ready to sleep. I drew the curtain around our beds. I charged my mobile and hid it under the sheets on my bed.

Amar went to sleep almost straight away. I fell asleep too.

That night, Amar was quite restless. He didn't toss and turn. He was just merengek, like he always did at home if he was annoyed when someone disturb his sleep. I thought I must have accidentally rolled on his bandaged hand.

Throughout the night, Amar gave this 'mengerang' type cry. Sometimes, I thought it sounded like a dog growling. He was better the night after operation. I just tried to give him assurance that I was with him.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Amar gave his short cry again. I woke up feeling quite cold. I noticed our blanket has fallen off for the first time after so many nights in the hospital. So it might be Amar was feeling cold too. So I draw the blanket around us again.

I've also heard that the nurses were quite busy that night as I hear footsteps walking up and down the ward.

My only feeling at that time was, it was going to be our last night at the hospital. And hopefully we will have the 'luxury' and privacy back soon.

Sunday oh Sunday.
I missed my American Idol...

Chapter 3: The Agony

The waiting game

Amar slept throughout the night again. I was very sure this time, the ward released laughing gas during the night. (Joking!)

He woke up with a better looking finger. No swelling. But there was another collection of pus at the bottom of the nail. I was thinking in my heart, this might just be another round of swelling, crying and popping. I just hope that he would be released that day. The thought of Amar going through a procedure was unbearable.

Sister Nora, the nurse who was always smiling greeted us all that morning. Giving us all her thumbs up as usual. The other nurses on duty changed the sheets, gave us breakfast (toast or cereal) with tea. They also washed this 6 year old boy. His left leg was in cast and elevated and tied to the bed. His mother only came during the day and left him during the night. Somebody told me that he has a few other siblings at home. I also heard the boy said he was hit and 'crushed' by a car.

Also, that morning, 3-4 boys came in with broken arms or legs. They came in for operations. Most were released the same day.

Sister Nora came to see Amar, and suggested to soak his finger in soda water to help the new collection of pus to burst. So I let Amar splashing on the ward's floor. He soaked the floor too. A kind nurse, Julie came to wipe all the mess Amar has made. Julie was the best and kindest nurse of all!

You know what, I didn't like the idea of soaking Amar's finger. I wasn't against Sister Nora. But my pain tolerance is zero, and if I have a cut on my finger, I would never ever run my finger under water. I could feel the soreness!!! Poor Amar.

His yellowy bit did not pop. But his wound was inflamed after he played with the soda water.

A Consultant came (a different consultant) had a look at Amar's finger and said he might need the operation. He will have a chat with his fellow Consultant surgeon. Amar was put under immediate "Nil by mouth" again.

Babah has written about his operation previously. So I'm sure you are aware about Amar's hunger. He had a bottle of milk at 7am. And the last time he has had some food was the night before, which was a few spoonfuls of home-made bubur (made by kind Babah). By afternoon time, he has fallen asleep a few times in my clutches of boredom and hunger.

He woke up around 2.30pm to anaesthetists trying to find his veins to put in a venflon. Again he hated people to hold his hand tightly, and further he was hungry. He still had the energy to release himself from the tight grip.

The anaesthetist said we had to give him the 'mask'. So we pinned him down, and the anaesthetist put a gas mask on Amar's face and turned the dial to number 8. Then, I had to leave while he was still struggling but he was getting weaker. It was soooooo sad and heartbreaking to leave him in that state.

I was accompanied by another kind nurse whom I got closed to. Unfortunately, I didn't ask her name. She said that she will call me after the procedure to see Amar.

I was explained by the Consultant the day before that the procedure would be an easy-peasy job, a small incision and drain. It would only take 10 minutes, so he said.

I prepared Amar's bottle of milk, waited to be called by the nurse and praying hard for him. 10 minutes passed. Then 30 minutes. Then 40 minutes. Then I lost count.

I got worried.

Finally, the nurse came and said Amar was ready. I went with her to the theatre, walking as fast as I could and saw Amar in the arms of one of the nurses. He was weeping with his eyes closed. He sounded and looked very,very, very weak and exhausted.

I took him in my arms and saw a big bandage on his left hand. It looked like a claw. And a venflon on his right hand. So he was getting the IV antibiotics after all.

Suddenly a tall man in scrub (the Consultant who saw Amar's finger in the morning) appeared and explained the whole procedure (of which has already been told by Babah). I cringed when he mentioned about removing the nail and putting it back. No wonder I waited so long and it wasn't a straight forward procedure.

I put Amar in his cot with his bottle of milk. He continued sleeping for 3 hours or so. When he got up, he gave me a smile and played 'peek-a-boo'. He also gave me a laugh, which was a very good sign. (I thought he was still under sedation or painkillers, that's why he was happy)

Babah came with Sarah. He was playing and running happily. Even that night he was sleeping quite well. He did wake up a few times, but only a very short cry. Mengigau agaknya. Otherwise, he didn't get any further painkillers afterwards. Amar is a true macho boy! (Apart from taking his oral antibiotics, he was absolutely fine!)

Below is a short clip of Amar running around in his operation gown.

p/s: Amar pulled off the bandage. And he was playing with the cotton stuffed under the bandage. So the bandage had to be changed the next morning.

p/p/s: Saturday night was busy! The ward was already full and they were expecting 3 more patients. Amar was moved to the second section. There was already the young boy who claimed himself as 10 years old, but he was actually 6. The same boy who said he was hit and 'crushed' by a car.

And very late at night, another 7 year old boy was admitted and placed across Amar's cot. I heard his mother telling the nurse that the boy was playing with his friends when he fell down and caught his fingers between the shopping trolley's wheel. I also heard later from a Surgeon saying that his tulang jari sort of hancur. (I can't remember the term he used, but that got me instantly cautious next time we go to TESCO)

There was also a 15 year old girl. She was bigger and taller than me. (I thought I was huge!) She fell of a 14 steps staircase) She was crying that night. But her father must be in a deep sleep and didn't hear her moaning at all!

Last, there was this 1@2 year old girl. I don't know about this girl. But she called Amar - Ababa each time we went passed her. She has a pretty face. Tapi bau famili dia sangat kurang enak. Boleh bau berbatu-batu. I'm very hygiene and smell conscious. I don't feel at ease if I feel I smell like a curry or satay house. I hope my children and I don't smell like that.

Then I heard a doctor came to assess the little girl and said that she has to be retained for the night. The doctor left and there was this discussion and then suddenly quiet. The 2 year old girl's parents have discharged themselves.

Chapter 2: A Relief

"Mom... Mom..." I felt someone touching my shoulder. It was the nurse waking me up to give Amar a bottle of water. It was still 5 am. I placed the bottle into Amar's mouth but he was not taking any. He continued sleeping!

Every nurse called me "Mom." And called Amar - "Abdul".

Not that they called him by his surname. But when Amar was born, we didn't give him a name straight away. Then, his name was written as "Abdul Muhaimin" (Babah's name)

Since there were two names to the surname, they thought that Abdul was Amar's name. And Muhaimin was the surname.

I noticed there was blood stain on the pillow and sheet cover. There was no more swelling on Amar's finger. It must have popped itself while he was sleeping.

Oh good, I thought. Then we could go home.

Between 7 and 9 am, the ward was hectic. There were new patients coming in including two babies. There was this nurse (Sister, I think head nurse) in dark blue uniform, she wore a smile on her face all the time and kept giving us all thumbs up. She was lovely. Her favourite phrases were "God help him and God bless"

Then another nurse in turquoise uniform came to Amar's cot and hung a "NIL BY MOUTH" sign. I was wondering what that means.

Until later, I found out that that means Amar was not allowed to eat.

Around 9am, there was a consultant ward round. I've heard about ward rounds from Babah. Babah always go to work early to prepare his report whenever there is a consultant ward round.

I was sort of looking forward to the ward rounds. Then a gentleman in black suit came and looked at Amar's chart. He asked for Amar's name. I said "Amar". Then he said, "Hello, I'm Amar, can you tell me what's wrong with Amar?"

I was confused, did I hear right? His name is Amar too!!

As I was just telling him the story, a group of men came dressed formally came directly to Amar's cot. The SHO and registrar who was on duty last night were there too. Only thing was, the SHO was hidden behind the other taller seniors, but I could see that he was reading his notes.

I had to re-tell the story for the umpteenth time to the gentleman in beige blazor who introduced himself as a Consultant.

He gently held Amar's finger. Had a look at the burst abscess. He said that there are still some collection of pus left, but he thought operation might not be necessary. However, he said Mr Gaffy (another Consultant) will re-assess the matter. (I understood later that Mr Gaffy is the Consultant for the kiddies, and the Consultant who had a look at Amar was Adult Orthopaedic Surgeon)

Some hours later, another league of gentlemen came gushing in the ward.

I thought, this must be Mr Gaffy. I thought right.

He came to us, flashed a smile and introduced himself, looked at Amar's finger while I told the history yet for the umpteenth plus one time. He said, no operation needed as the pus has drained itself and that was exactly what the surgeons were going to do anyway. But Amar will be given;

• 48 hours IV antibiotics (I asked why can't Amar take antibiotics orally, he smiled and explained something I didn't quite understand. His words came out like a bullet just like the way he walked)
• the finger to be x-rayed
• blood test
• infection sample (?) to be sent to laboratory
  
• diabetes test
• to be reviewed after 48 hours, and considered to be discharged on Monday.
  

"That long?" I asked Mr Gaffy. He answered something like, you want him to be better, don't you? We'd better do all these tests now and be safe.

Very satisfying answer indeed.

I felt a relief that Amar didn't need the operation afterall. He could have his bottle of milk after the super long fasting period. Hence the photo above!!!

X-ray was pretty straight forward.

But when the doctor tried to insert a cannula for the IV antibiotics. That was just a nightmare. Amar was crying his lungs out until he had no voice left. He was struggling too. The doctor tried to do it on both arms and feet. "No veins" available!

He did try on one arm, and I saw him rotating the needle under the skin trying to find the vein.

Then he asked the nurse to get a yellow needle. (Initially it was a blue one) (And I counted, he used 5 needles to get a cannula in!)

Again, another poking and godeh-godeh under Amar's skin. I heard him said to the nurse, "He's crying anyway, might as well try"

I felt like crying myself, but put up a brave face. The doctor apologised a million times to me. "Sorry mom, may be we will try again when he's calmer"

When the doctor and nurse left, Amar calmed down immediately and slept. When he woke up, there were two nurses in whitish uniform came to Amar carrying a big black box. They came to take Amar's blood.

Another round of crying and struggling. But these nurses were pros. They got it in the end (after a little bit of struggling) They took a lot of Amar's blood!

Poor Amar.

Poor Amar...

Aduh, poor Amar.

Babah came with Sarah to visit us. Amar was back to his normal self. Happy playing with Kakak Sarah. Babah also brought us fresh clothes and lots of food. (A book of sudoku puzzles, a magazine and a book for me to read)(Babah is ever so thoughtful and kind)

Babah and Sarah went back around 7 pm. I changed Amar and gave his soiled nappy to the nurse for glucose test.

I was also told that the Consultant has agreed to change the IV antibiotics to oral antibiotics because they couldn't get the cannula in.

I thought people who came in and out of the ward must be wondering what was wrong with Amar, because other patients were with bandages and cast or with crutches. The two babies who came in earlier have had their operations. They came out with cast from abdomen to their knees. I asked Babah kenapa? Babah said something about hip test something, something - and I did my own research, and I think both babies had hip dysplasia. They were discharged the same day!!!

The 2 months old baby was crying non-stop. Her parents were both taking turns to lulled her to sleep. The 3 months old baby was as quiet as a mouse, but her mother was crying non-stop! I felt sorry for her too.

Amar with no bandage or cast had to stay in for another night!

Chapter 1: The Beginning

6 MONTHS AGO

The photo above was taken in December at Auntie De's house. If you can enlarge the photo, you might see there is no nail on Amar's middle finger. I took a clearer photo of his swollen finger at that time, but I don't have the photo anymore (the reason will be revealed in Chapter 5)

So that was the beginning. The first time it happened. He was uneasy for two consecutive nights. Crying throughout the night on the second night. Only on the third day, I realised that he was super sensitive when I touched his left hand. And then only I noticed it was slightly swollen.

Towards evening time, the finger became more and more swollen. He was on my laps and crying ALL the time. By that time, he held his hand straight and upwards. And got very angry if the hand was in contact with anything.

In the middle of that night, he got up and cried. I noticed that his finger was leaking with pus and blood. And guess what I did? I squeezed his finger until I drained everything out. Amar screamed, but after that, he had a good night sleep.

Babah was on his last night of nights shift, so he didn't see the finger. He only received a photo sent by MMS.

The next day, when Babah came back I booked an appointment with the GP. Amar was given antibiotics. I also remember that GP just had a quick glance, and dismissed Amar as if it was a small matter. A few weeks later, upon healing his fingernail came off.

A month later, the same thing happened to Amar's little finger also on his left hand. The same ordeal, the crying, swollen finger, but this time it popped by itself while Amar was sleeping at night. The same medication - antibiotics. This time, his fingernail remained intact. Babah was on nights duty too.

Six months onwards, he was restless again. Remember the entry about his MMR jab? I thought
Amar was a psychic child that he was trying to escape from the injection. He was extra clingy, and cried to be picked up.

6 MONTHS LATER

The above photo was taken on Thursday (18 May 2006) afternoon while Babah was asleep. (The swelling grew bigger than that after the photo was taken) Poor Babah has just finished his night shift so he was sleeping during the day. (Hmmm tiap kali berlaku bila Babah buat nights)

At first, it was only a slight swell at the tip of the finger. Then I noticed a yellowy 'dot' under the nail. Then, it became greeny then bluey then blacky colour and it sort of spread to the first joint of the finger, and later to the second joint. (I asked Babah for the terms, 1st joint = proxima. 2nd joint = distal. I don't even know what they are called in Malay. Sendi jari?)

I sent an MMS to Auntie de (Qualifications: MBBCh, Part 1 and First part of Part II, a wife and a mother of two) She rang me immediately after she received the photo via mobile phone. She said, if it was her she would have brought Amar to A&E.

So I thank her for that.

I told Auntie De, I was worried too as the finger looked worse than the first time it happened. But quite apprehensive to take Amar to hospital because I have already taken him to see the GP and he has already been given antibiotics. And I felt;

• a heartless response from the GP and worried that Amar would get a similar response if we go for a second opinion.
• Also, I didn't want to undermine the GP's credibilities.
• I thought the swelling would burst itself like before. Then Amar would feel better. (But it just grew bigger!)
• 
  

When Babah woke up, he had a look at Amar's finger and "uttered a worrying statement". I quietly suggested Walk-In Centre, hoping that they can refer us to the hospital.

Babah said, "Jom". Honestly, I didn't expect Babah to say that. So, we quickly got ready. I gave the kids some food while waiting for Babah to mandi and solat. Babah had a mug of hot cocoa drink.

WALK-IN CENTRE

Sarah followed Babah to pay for the parking. She fell down and scratched both her knees.

We arrived at the Walk-In Centre, the receptionist or the nurse on duty straight away asked us to go to A&E department at Walsgrave Hospital (where Babah used to work) .

A&E PAEDIATRICS UNIT, WALSGRAVE HOSPITAL

At Walsgrave Hospital, we registered Amar with the receptionist. Not long after that, we were called in to the Paeds A&E unit, and waited in the waiting room. There were lots of toys and books for Sarah and Amar. (They were dirty too!) Amar was more interested to run out of the room.

We were called in by a nurse for a quick assessment by her. Taking Amar's temperature and some general questions. Then we were asked to wait in the waiting room again.

There were many sick children waiting for their turn. There was this boy crying in his mums arms and dripping with blood. There was a girl still in her school uniform, her left eye looked as if she was punched there and the eye ball has been eaten by the head. There were many more, but at least all were sitting in one place unlike my two children who were running around and messing with the toys and books. (Amar didn't look ill at all. Although he has been crying the whole morning and afternoon earlier)

From my observation, there were two doctors on duty that evening. A male doctor in blue scrub. He looked like a doctor actor on TV. There was another young female doctor dressed casually. I had a quick peek at her name tag, she has an Islamic name. Both looked busy and drained. They were calling patients in turns.

I didn't mind the actor looking doctor OR the Islamic name female doctor either.

Then Amar's name was being called. But not by any of the said above. But by a doctor who reminded me of a big bad wolf. Where did he come from?

He introduced himself. I didn't catch his name. And I didn't understand most of the things he said. He examined Amar, and he left us alone. I saw him writing some sort of report. It took him forever!!

The actor looking doctor has already seen two patients since we were in this big bad wolf's 'custody'. The female doctor was busy as well.

Then this big bad wolf doctor left his seat when a nurse said there was a phone call for him and was gone for ages!!!! It was past Sarah and Amar's bedtime. They started to be fidgety and restless. We were confined in the small unit and I had a feeling that this big bad wolf was going to ask us to come back the next day.

Ages later, the doctor came back and said he has referred us to Coventry and Warwickshire Hospital (the first place we went to, but to a different department). I left the room as Amar was crying again. He explained the rest to Babah. I understood later that we were sent to Smith + Clarke ward for a review by another doctor.

SMITH + CLARKE WARD, COVENTRY AND WARWICKSHIRE HOSPITAL

We went home first. Babah had his overdue lunch and dinner. Both kids had their dinner too. But Amar didn't have appetite for anything much. We bathed and changed the kids, and after prayers we went to the hospital. It was around 9pm.

We were escorted by a security guard. The building was closed for visitors. The staff at Smith + Clarke unit were expecting us. The nurse asked if Amar sleeps in a cot or a bed. I said a cot. So she gave us the first cubicle in the main ward.

It was quiet in the ward. But my children were creating quite a racket, although it was way past their bedtime.

The nurse said that a doctor will be with us soon as he has just finished a surgery. Then only I learnt from Babah that we were sent to a Paediatric Orthopaedics Unit. From my collection of memory, orthopaedics has something to do with tulang.

A young doctor (SHO) came to see Amar. He saw Babah and said, "I've seen you somewhere before" So there was a brief introduction between them. SHO meets SHO etc.. etc..

The SHO said, to his opinion it looked like Amar has to stay in for the night. He will be reviewed by a registrar later on. And I heard he said under his breath ("if he wakes up")

It was agreed that, I would stay with Amar. Babah will take Sarah home and come back the next day.

Between 11-12 pm, a sleepy looking registrar came to look at Amar's finger. Amar was already asleep at that time. He was 'digesting' (may be dreaming) my collection of history of Amar's finger with lots of 'hmmms'.

And he said to stop Amar's antibiotics and said he will have to go to theatre the next morning. They will drain the pus out. I asked if an operation was really necessary? He said yes, because it would probably be a better way to remove the 'infection' since I told him that that was the third time happened to Amar. And he was afraid if the infection spread to the bone. He really GOT me WORRIED there.

So I signed a consent operation form and understood his explanation of the aftermath of the operation;

• Amar's finger might be sensitive to cold for upto one year
  
• His fingernail may grow back in weird shape
• He said something about the effect on the ligament and joint BUT he said from his observations, that might be unlikely.
  

Amar was already asleep in a bed meant for me. He slept next to me throughout the night! He didn't even wake up that night. I suspected the ward was filled with laughing gas to tame little Amar.

The nurse has asked me not to give Amar anything to eat or drink anymore from that point onwards. But she will wake us up at 5 pm for Amar to only have a bottle of water.

OPERATION??? I went to sleep dreading for my one year old son having to go for an operation the next morning. It was a dreadful thought that although it might seem a small swell on Amar's finger, but to operate it just meant a 'serious' matter after all.

And also, I went to sleep thankful to Allah that we were given hidayah to go to the Walk-In centre. And appointed that big bad wolf who referred Amar to Smith + Clarke ward. He's no big bad wolf anymore, but someone who definitely knew what he was doing.

Glad to be home

Dear family, friends and well wishers,

Amar has finally been discharged from hospital yesterday. Thank you ever so much for all your prayers and well wishes. Hopefully Amar will continue to recover at home, his comfort zone with familiar faces around him.

Believe me, I have tonnes to write. My brain was recording every event while in the hospital but now it seems that I am just lost for words. Four and a half days in the hospital was a good way for blogging and sudoku detox. (hehe, NOT!!!)

Luckily, Babah Sarah (aka Mynn) has done the difficult bit of the updating. I think I will only update (or re-tell) the events from the perspective of a mother who has no medical background. Then it will be medical jargons free.

Anyway, this is just a short one. Just to let you all know that Amar and I are home. Hopefully after I have done all the necessary house work, I will "un-detox" again.

Amar & Mama Sarah is Coming Home

This just in: Mama Sarah called saying I could pick her up in one hours time. Alhamdulillah. Mama Sarah said Amar will be reviewed again this Friday, and then next Thursday.

So far, I have to say I am very impressed with the hospital care. I'm very impressed that the surgery was arranged very quickly, and Amar was pain-free afterwards. I'm very impressed that the doctors did ward rounds even on a weekend (if it's our hospital, there's probably too many patients for it to be feasible doing ward rounds over weekends). The nurses are friendly and helpful.

I'm definitely looking forward to Amar & Mama Sarah's return. I bet Sarah will be extremely happy as well.

Amar: Day 3 in Hospital

Today we were hoping that Amar would be deemed suitable for discharge by the surgeons. Unfortunately the surgeon who reviewed Amar said that the infection was quite "nasty", and that Amar needs to stay for at least until tomorrow. In comparison, everyone else in the ward was discharged yesterday and today.

I suppose Amar's infection was serious.

Today when we saw Amar, I'm happy to report he's back to his normal self. His normal "heft" has returned when I lifted him, and he was actively running around and laughing with Sarah. According to Nisa, Amar rarely if ever, cried today -- and he is not even taking any painkillers!

His left hand is still heavily bandaged, so I did not catch a glimpse of the wound after the operation. Nisa said there's an open gash and it looks horrible, however, I cannot verify this myself without looking. But Alhamdulillah, we are very grateful that Amar is much, much better.

Hopefully he'll be suitable for discharge tomorrow. I'm really looking forward for both Nisa and Amar to come home. Nisa sends her love and regards to everyone. She seemed very happy to hear all the wishes I conveyed from her blog. So, thank you!

ps. Sorry, we did take pictures of a much happier Amar today but I decided to leave the camera with Nisa so that she could continue taking pictures of Amar in hospital. We'll update with more pictures as soon as they become available.

Amar's Recovery

Picture: Finally, decent pictures of Amar's infected finger.

• Top-left: The finger looks swollen and black.
• Lower-left: The finger still looked swollen with a yellow collection (pus) under his fingernails. This was after he'd received antibiotics and the abscess has partly burst.
• Top-right: Amar's ID
• Lower-right: being imprisoned.

After Amar's operation today, we paid him a visit. According to Nisa, Amar slept soundly after the operation.

When we arrived, Amar did not look poorly but he also did not look his normal cheerful self. When I carried Amar his body seemed noticeably weak and slightly flaccid. However, he still managed to smile when he saw Sarah and soon afterwards they started chasing each other around the playroom again! Amar was also eating with good appetite, a very good sign.

Both of Amar's hands were heavily bandaged. His left was the side operated on, and his right contained an IV cannula for the antibiotics. A surgeon explained to us that necrotic tissue and pus were removed, and Amar's fingernail had detached by itself, due to the infection. They are planning to continue IV antibiotics for several days, with a view to discharge Amar sometime next week if he recovers well.

We left just before Amar's bedtime, so that he could continue to rest but so far, Amar seems to be recovering progressively.

By mynn

Picture: Amar after the operation. He looks clumsy and funny with the hospital gown. He kept on tripping while trying to chase Sarah around the playroom. Lower-left: Amar still managing a smile despite the ordeal.

Amar Post-Op 2

More pictures of Amar from Mama Sarah just now.

Amar After The Operation

Nisa has just sent me a picture of Amar after the procedure. According to her, the procedure was successful. The surgeons had to completely remove Amar's nail on the middle finger as well as pus. The skin of his finger is also badly damaged, and if I'm not mistaken, they said they did some repairs to the skin. He also has an IV cannula now for the IV antibiotics.

Apparently, Amar "cried as he has never cried before", the worst cry ever when he had to go without any food & drink for 4 hours prior to surgery. He is now sleeping soundly. I'm waiting for Sarah to get up before going to the hospital straight away.

Picture: Poor Amar. Taken right after the operation with Nisa's mobile phone. Notice his bandaged hand & colourful hospital gown.

Amar for Surgery

*Update on Amar*

Mama Sarah has just called me. She said Amar's finger is looking worse. She said the finger looks more swollen and yellow. Amar has been reviewed again by the consultant and the consultant said Amar may need the surgery after all.

At the moment they're fasting Amar in preparation for the surgery. The surgery is scheduled in 4 hours time (2pm, 20/5/2006). They mentioned the side effects of the operation. Apart from the risks with general anaesthesia (yup, Amar will be having general anaesthetics & be put to sleep) there's also the risk of deformity, and neuropathic pain (nauzubillah to all of that, hope it goes well).

So far Amar & Mama Sarah seems okay. Amar is as happy as usual, watching his DVDs in hospital and Mama Sarah seemed slightly tired, but holding. Mama Sarah has asked me to visit after the operation so I'll try and update afterwards.

Written by mynn

Amar is Hospitalised

Originally posted on 19th of May 2006 on Mynn's blog:

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours both during and after my oncalls . I'll detail what happened during my oncalls later but just would like to tell you guys that now Amar is warded in Coventry & Warwickshire Hospital.

It happened so quickly.

Yesterday when Amar woke up, we noticed his left middle finger has become red, swollen and hot - a sign of infection. This is the third time Amar has had an infection affecting his left fingers, and it is twice now on the same digit. There was no evidence of any trauma, and as far as we know nothing has ever happened to his fingers. It's really strange. We went to see our GP, and he prescribed yet another course of flucloxacillin.

After my oncalls last night I arrived home and went to sleep. Immediately after I woke up, Nisa worriedly showed me Amar's finger which has now looked sickeningly black and has grown to 3 times it's original size since yesterday. Black tissue means necrotic tissue, a worrying sign. Still groggy from being awoken and without even a proper chance for me to get ready (and have "breakfast"), we all got in the care and drove to Walsgrave Accidents & Emergency.

This time we were seen relatively quickly (within 1 hour?). The doctor who saw Amar immediately referred us to the orthopaedic surgeons at a hospital the other side of town.

I have just now returned, just with Sarah. Poor Sarah is upstairs right now, fast asleep from the tiring day. Amar and Nisa is at the hospital. The surgeons are still reviewing Amar now, but most likely he will have to have his finger operated to drain the pus.

This picture is just to give you an idea of what it looks like, but please be assured Amar's finger does not look quite as bad as this:


Nisa took lots of pictures just now, as soon as I have more news I'll post more in the blog. I hope everything would be okay by tomorrow.

PS:
what with my recent night oncalls, frenetic studying, exams, oncalls again and then this; it feels to me as if the week has gone on and on. My long week has been punctured by only scatterings of sleep.

*Update* 19 May 2006 10am
Nisa called at 9am just now saying that the consultant orthopaedic surgeon has finished his ward rounds. Amar's abscess has popped by itself so I guess they are abandoning the procedure. The consultant would like Amar to be admitted for 48 hour intravenous antibiotics as well as a test to rule out diabetes.

Hm, my heart skipped when Nisa mentioned diabetes. It's strange as there's no history of type 1 diabetes in both my family's side nor Nisa's. However, Nisa has mentioned diabetes since December.

Anyway, at the moment I've just finished bathing Sarah and she's eating breakfast (toast and cheese while watching a DVD). After I get ready, we're going to pay Amar & Nisa a visit.

Day 2
Picture:

• (Upper Right) The ward Amar is staying in. It's the tall white building.
• (Upper Left) We spent the whole afternoon in the games room of the ward. Sarah really enjoyed herself.
• (Lower Right) This was Amar yesterday, while waiting to be seen by a doctor in Accidents and Emergency.
• (Lower Left) A view of the ward.

First of all, Mama Sarah and I really would like to thank all our friends who have been so concerned about Amar. Thanks for all your wishes, calls, comments & prayers.

Amar and Nisa is still in Coventry & Warwickshire Hospital. Amar has been seen by the consultant this morning. To update you guys with previous events, Amar's abscess has popped and so the operation to incise the finger was abandoned. The consultant requested for intravenous antibiotics.

Today, nothing much has progressed! Amar has had an x-ray of the finger to rule out a bone infection (note: a bone infection is extremely serious as bony joints could be destroyed by the infection very rapidly: within hours). He has also undergone a blood test. I heard from Nisa that the staff has had GREAT DIFFICULTY getting blood from Amar. Having worked in paediatrics in the past, I absolutely understand - last night I had a look at Amar's arms and I knew blood taking procedures would be difficult as his veins are extremely scarce.

They have also failed to obtain intravenous access, and so instead of IV antibiotics, Amar is having oral flucloxacillin; which is the exact medication he was taking before admission, at home!

This is the third time Amar has suffered a spontaneous infection of his fingertips and the surgeons are planning to rule out diabetes by doing further tests. There is no history of type 1 diabetes on my side of the family nor Nisa's side, and I really hope to God that Amar doesn't have it.

I am slightly annoyed. For one, Amar is only receiving oral antibiotics, the exact one he would have taken if he had stayed at home. Furthermore, Amar has missed two doses of his antibiotics while in hospital, while the surgeons were trying to get IV access. I'm also annoyed that although Amar has had his xray during early hours of this morning, the xray was only reviewed at around 8pm!

Although it has been a testing few days, everyone in the family seems to be holding well. Amar today seemed extremely happy to see Sarah and I as we walked into his cubicle. Soon after, Amar and Sarah were both chasing each other around the whole ward (while we watched everyone else's children sitting quietly by their beds). Amar's finger has only slightly gotten better.

Nisa, poor Nisa, looked understandably tired and slightly sleep deprived. Because we hadn't planned for Amar to stay in hospital last night, we overlooked bringing spare clothes, nappies, toiletries, money, a fully charged phone and any food. I would leave describing Nisa's state to fellow readers' own imagination, as it'd be too unpleasant for me.

Sarah, I cannot really tell. At the moment it's only the two of us in the house, and at times she does mention "Mama?" and "Amar?". However, whatever she's feeling inside, she's putting up a brave, cheerful face and I honestly could not tell if she's unhappy.

As for me, I'm still trying to recover from my nights oncall. I'm quite sleep deprived, managing only 2 hours of sleep last night (but I feel absolutely fine!). I'm also not eating anything proper (as is Nisa, I'm sure) because all the time I have is split between visiting and taking care of Sarah.

On that note, I think I'll catch up on some sleep now. Mama Sarah sends her love to everyone and said, "Sorry I couldn't update my blog, I will as soon as I get back. Thank you everyone for all the kind words."

Note:
I know staying in hospital is mind-numbingly boring. Today I have bought for Nisa:
1. A sudoku puzzlebook
2. Narnia DVD (she has always been hinting she wanted to watch Narnia as she is a fan of the books).
3. A book (I'll keep the title a secret as not to embarrass her).
4. A magazine (also a secret).
5. I lent her my phone for internet access (Using Opera Mini 2.0, of course)
6. LOTS OF FOOD. Chocolates, sandwiches, sushi, pasta, juice and sweets.

Written by mynn (posted here on Mama Sarah's request).